Seeking Mercy

As we move into our ninth session, I'd like to continue just a little bit more on this point of removing all the hurry from prayer in this kind of personal prayer, when we're free to follow our own pace in meditation or contemplation. And let's just look at a few more saints.

So this is Saint Catherine of Siena, and this is a witness who writes about watching her as she reads spiritual things. "She was not concerned about reading a lot or saying many prayers. Rather, she would chew on every single word," so it's unhurried, and there's the freedom just to follow wherever grace is drawing her. "And when she found one she especially liked, she would stop for as long as her mind found pleasure praising there." That's perfect. That's exactly what Ignatius is inviting us to do.

And then Saint Philip Neri, his counsel along these same lines: "To get good from reading the lives of saints and other spiritual books, we ought not to read out of curiosity or skimmingly," just kind of quickly to get through, "but with pauses. And when we feel ourselves warmed—so here's the same point. "When we feel ourselves warmed," something really speaks to us and nourishes us. "We ought not to pass on, but to stop and follow up on the Spirit that is stirring within us. And when we feel it no longer, then to pursue our reading." That's the same point that we saw in Saint Francis de Sales the last time.

Finally, I'll share an experience of a man that I'll call George. I just say once for all that all of these experiences that I share are either published or shared with the permission of the person who shared them with me. And he, at this point in his life, goes to daily Mass, and he spends a half an hour in personal prayer every day. And on this particular day, he writes in his journal: "Today, as usual, I started by thanking God for allowing me to come and see Him." He's there before the Blessed Sacrament. "Then, as is my custom, I said that I came to adore Him, Creator of Heaven and Earth. After a minute or two—I think, but I am not sure of the time—I said to Him that I wanted to love Him more and more, that I know He loves me, and asked Him to show me how to love Him, as I did not know and needed His help. Then I had a surprise. I began to repeat, in a way that was both intense and spontaneous, that I loved Him, thanking Him for giving me the grace to love Him thus." And now, this is the reason why I cite this. "For some time, I could not move on to the next point but kept repeating that I loved Him and wanted to love Him more."

And with reverence, because we're on holy ground, that's exactly the point that Ignatius is making in the prayer. Wherever grace speaks to us, there's nowhere else to be. "I never passed on to the next point." Perfect. "I was held back at this moment of love and also had no desire to leave it." If your heart feels that way, I really want to stay here. Follow your heart. Your heart is telling you truly.

"The next point usually was that I wish to conform my will to His," but he never gets there this day. "After this, my custom was to ask for graces for certain persons who were suffering or who need God's help for various reasons." But on this day, he never gets there, and he knows that he has made the right choice by simply staying where his heart is being nourished.

So for our prayer in this ninth session, I am proposing that we pray with the first part of Psalm 51. So that's Psalm 51:1-19: "Create a clean heart in me." This is the classic,Miserere as it's called from the Latin title, which is almost the model prayer in Scripture of a humble heart that recognizes its failure, its weakness, its sinfulness, and comes to God with great confidence and trust, humbly seeking the Lord's mercy to be healed and set free.

Biblically, this is given as the prayer that David prays after he has sinned with Bathsheba and Nathan the prophet has come to him and faced him with his sin. And then this is his heartfelt prayer for mercy from the Lord. This Psalm 51 has been deeply loved down through the centuries and repeatedly prayed throughout the history of the Church's spiritual tradition. And I'm just going to read a part of it here.

Again, let's begin in the way that Ignatius invites us to transition into the prayer. Take the time—maybe pause the app, whatever helps you—just to have that brief space to be aware of the love with which Jesus looks upon you.

If I were doing this, I would use that verse from Mark 10: "Jesus, looking upon him, loved him," and just allow my heart to sit with that and just to feel that as I begin the prayer. Then, you know, you can hear anything from the Lord when you know you're loved.

Here's my example of this: Here is a young girl—we'll say elementary school age—who has acted out at school, and let's say rather seriously, for her age, rather seriously badly.

And word has gotten back to her father, and she has just been dropped off, let's say, by the bus or however she returns. She is walking up the walk to the front door of the house. She stops and hesitates. She knows her father is inside, and she doesn't know how her father is going to respond to this. With some anxiety and nervousness, she finally opens the door, and she is standing inside the house now, and there is her father.

And her father doesn't say anything. He simply approaches her, looks at her with great love, embraces her, and says, I love you. Now she can tell him anything. And that's the dynamic Ignatius is inviting us to in this part of the Exercises. And I would say in a special way as we pray this Psalm 51.

So the psalmist, David, any one of us as we pray this, simply asks God for the mercy of healing.

"Have mercy on me, God, in accord with Your merciful love. In Your abundant compassion, blot out my transgressions" like they were never there. "Thoroughly wash away my guilt, and from my sin cleanse me. For I know my transgressions; my sin is always before me.

Against you, you alone have I sinned. I have done what is evil in your eyes, so that you are just in your word and without reproach in your judgment. Behold, I was born in guilt; in sin, my mother conceived me. Behold, you desire true sincerity, and secretly, you teach me wisdom.

Cleanse me with hyssop that I may be pure. Wash me and I will be whiter than snow. You will let me hear gladness and joy, and the bones You have crushed will rejoice."

This psalm begins in that space of humble acknowledgment of one’s sin, brought with great sincerity to God. And as it continues, there's an upward movement of increasing joy in receiving the gift of healing and forgiveness from the Lord.

At this point in the Exercises, I want to introduce a famous classic colloquy; Ignatius describes it. This is just from the Spanish "colloquio," which from the Latin means "to speak with." So this is just that time in the prayer when we find ourselves, having heard God's word, responding from our hearts to the Lord. And this is how Ignatius invites us to pray with this classic at this stage.

Imagine Christ our Lord present before you on the Cross. So that's the setting. There we are on Calvary. Jesus is there on the Cross, giving His life for us. And begin to speak with Him. So in some sense, yes, the others are there, but now it's your heart speaking to His heart. As we've said so often, your heart speaks to Jesus' Heart. Speak with Him, asking how it is that, though He is the Creator, He has stooped to become man and to pass from eternal life to death here in time, that thus He may die for me.

So here's the marvel, or here's the wonder of this prayer, this colloquy as Ignatius calls it. I just gaze on the Lord. If you have a crucifix, you can do it that way, or call up an image of the Passion, the Crucifixion, on your phone. And just look at the Lord on the Cross and be there and ponder, marvel, enter into the infinite love that leads the Creator to come into time, and the One who has eternal life to die in this world, as Ignatius says.

And feeling that love, then ask three questions, and these are going to lead us into the next stage in the Exercises.

I shall also reflect upon myself and ask: What have I done for Christ thus far in the years of my life?

What am I doing for Christ? What am I doing now for Christ, who has given His life, His very self, for me?

And then finally, Ignatius invites us to consider this question: What ought I to do for Christ? That's the question of the future. And as we'll see, that's where so much now in the retreat is going to lead. Everything that's happened thus far in this and the preceding sessions is praying for a heart that is prepared, that is well disposed, that is free, that is healed, that is ready—now to hear God's word, to see where He is calling us to live our vocation more deeply, and to grow in our response to Him. What ought I to do for Christ?

And then Ignatius concludes this by saying, as I behold Christ in this plight, nailed to the Cross, I shall ponder upon what presents itself to my mind.

Now, it's obvious that this prayer for freedom from sinfulness is all suffused with love. But it may be difficult in one aspect or another of our lives. You will find that if you stay with us, you'll find the healing coming, and blessing and grace.

You may wish also to consider, at this point in the retreat, the Sacrament of Reconciliation. If you know a priest who is willing to give you the time, and you could make even a special confession, that sacramental grace mingles with the daily grace of this kind of prayer in a way that's very beautiful, very healing, and very liberating. So that's something that you might want to consider at this point in the retreat.

And through the prayer, and if the Sacrament is there—if that's possible as well—you will find yourself eager and ready for the next stage in the Exercises. So we'll pray that that stage, too, will be blessed. Amen.